i should apologize upfront for the mess that i am right now. maybe no one will ever read this, maybe a million people will, maybe only my nearest and dearest will. maybe it will fill the "listen to me" void i always seem to feel. maybe it will fill the "i always wished i was a writer" void i always seem to feel. maybe i will be witty and insightful and fabulous. maybe i will just beat to death the fact that i am broken hearted, the fact that i let the same girl get to me twice, the fact that i feel like i might never believe in anything again. the fact that i moved to kind of the middle of nowhere. the fact that i just want someone to sit on the couch and watch horror movies with me. the fact that i wish i was in chicago right this second. and maybe even the fact that i worry that chicago might not be the same without the girl. maybe i'll talk too much about how i wish i was a pretty girl, or how much i love fall out boy, or how much i love books and movies that distort my perception of life.
maybe i'll just talk and talk and talk. and maybe a few of you will "get me." and that would be the best surprise.
"when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through"
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ReplyDeleteFirst off, that was Oliver. I think it says "I love you for who you are and how great of an aunt you are and I miss you".
So I agree with him and I know you know you are aweseome and anyone in the world that knows you or even gets to talk to you for 2 seconds could tell you that.
Ok well I love you and have to go b/c Oliver thinks it's funny to test me all day! Ugh!! Ok, I love you.
Yes to everything. The scariest thing about starting something is that it will suck. Ann Lamott (i think that's how it spelled, anyway I'm not getting up to go to the bookshelf and get it) is a great writer. She has great books about writing, but mostly about being scared about writing. She talks about the "mice" that are fears and worries and insecurities and she says to put them in a jar on a high shelf and keep them out.
ReplyDeletePersonally, (and perhaps quite lazily) I let my mice run free. Shit comes out. You say stuff. At the end of the day its a blog and if someone doesn't love you because of a blog, then that someone is probably a stupid asshole anyway.
However, it is your thoughts. It's stuff that came up in that cute Gypsy head of yours and its worth a read by anyone who values you (ME!). So what you write does matter. I love reading it.
I miss you terribly.
You are grand.
-h